Friday, October 19, 2012

Berst Frand

Dear Lisa,
I don't know if you're reading this. I don't know if you ever will, but I can't get you off of my mind. We don't talk near as often as we should or as much as I want. For goodness sake, I don't even know what's going on in your life anymore and I miss you. I miss those two minutes phone calls we'd have as one of us walked to class. I miss hearing about all of your crazy adventures and outrageous experiences. I miss all those conversations we had while one of us was on the toilet or in the bathtub or getting ready. I miss those Skype chats we would have during class when we both were supposed to be paying attention but didn't have enough willpower to do so. I just miss you lady!
The other night I found myself reflecting upon high school. I was reminded of Choir Tour and Drama in 10th grade and our naive conversations about love and boys. Remember that hilarious mime we did about spaghetti sauce and bubble gum? We were insane and everyone loved it! I thought about how you were always there for me. I shut myself away from everyone. I turned away from your open arms and loving heart but you never turned away from me. I like to call those years The Dark Days because that was when I didn't have you. I was in a bad place and you were my angel of mercy. You never gave up on my, Lis, even when you had every right to do so. I don't think you really understand how much I needed you when I reentered the world. I don't know if you realize how much you had to do with my rebirth. You were the one that brought me back from the dead. Honestly, I was annoyed by all of your phone calls and texts. I was irritated by your concern about me because heaven knows all I wanted was to be alone. Oh, wait, no- no one really wants to be alone. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know who I was, but you did. You saw my heart. You understood my fears and private battles. I had so much to figure out and all I wanted to to be truly excepted. I wanted unconditional friendship; a relationship not based on appearances or superficial similarities. I needed a best friend. That's what you were; that's what you are. I think back to how much work you had to put into our friendship and it blows my mind. You put in so much effort! You yanked and pulled and tugged at me until I was ready. You could have gotten offended that I never returned your phone calls or joined you on your adventures. You should have given up on me. You never did, though, despite it all. What kind of sickly incredible person does that?
This probably sounds like I'm rambling and I guess I am, but what I'm trying to say is that I love you lady! I can't even describe how much you mean to me and how grateful I am for you! You were my saving grace! You literally changed the course of my life. I love how we can be absolutely hideous and insane together. I love how even though we haven't talked in forever the moment that I see you everything is going to be back to the way it used to be. I love how I can always count on some kind of madness when you leave me a voicemail. We are wonderful. YOU are amazing! I really just love you Lisel.



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