Tuesday, June 28, 2011

On a scale of one to tomato...

how red is my face?

I am a pretty confident person. I don't find myself easily embarrassed and yet for no obvious reason, my body seems to think that reacting with my face turning every imaginable color of red within a manner of milliseconds is not only acceptable, but highly attractive. I laugh- I resemble a fire hydrant, I cry- suddenly I am the color of a beet, that cute boy across the room looks at me and if you would throw a stick on the top of my head I would be easily confused with a cherry. Lovely. Oh wait, hold on, it isn't. The worst part of the whole situation is that I can feel the heat rushing to my face. Before I can bury my face in my hands or make an escape to the bathroom my face reaches a level of redness that can't be denied. At this point I actually start to feel embarrassed that I look like I am embarrassed even though I wasn't even embarrassed to start out. It's embarrassing. I don't have the class to make it adorable or endearing, I simply look like a moron; a red faced, flustered moron. I have attempted to make excuses, explanations, or reason it away, but how do you possibly pull that off?

After all,

- "I'm not blushing, I'm just got sunburned... indoors... right now..."
- cough cough -

Monday, June 27, 2011


basically I want to punch the world in the face, dye my hair black, buy a cape, and start writing dark poetry.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Do your strings hang low?

There have been many things in life people strive to smell like- fresh cut flowers, fruit and cream, the ocean breeze, homemade cookies, all kinds of sugary confections, sometimes even candy, but nowhere in anyone's list can you find the one scent I have found fate throw up on me in more than one occasion. It goes a little like this.

Once upon a time, I had a shirt or two (okay maybe five) that tied in the back. They were cute, they were flattering, they were fun and flirty, but those dang ties were way too freaking long. Many a friend found it the bright spot in their day to yank them out of the bow. Now, usually this short of shenanigans wouldn't bother me except for the fact I HAVE TO PEE ALL THE TIME. Thus we have this little equation:
long strings
nasty pee water
Cami has nasty pee water on shirt
and smells like the toilet



Sunday, June 12, 2011

Cami Likes Weddings

So help me, me hubby will be dressed in grey.

Cloud 59

Monday morning started out as any other. I like to think that the Bangles were talking about me when they sang, "Just another manic Monday," because I couldn't have put into words any better myself. I got to work bright and early and expected to have things go as they usually do. That is, I expected chaos. This was a different Monday, though. It wasn't even nine when I got a call from the Department of Nursing at BYU-I and they told me that they had my notification letter and they really needed to get it to me. Yes, yes, I know, answering my cellphone at work is a major NO-NO but heck, it was too blasted early for anyone to come in anyway. My roommate had tried to pick it up for me, but the stars just didn't align in her favor and so there the letter had sat in the Nursing Office for a week just screaming to be read. For the first time since I applied back in March I actually felt a twinge of excitement. I tried to be professional, but I'm as mature as a thirteen year old so when she told me she would just copy it and email the letter to me I basically told her I was going to wet my pants in anxiousness. Good first impression right?
I hung up I made a trip to the bathroom of course, and then I spent the next hour in agony. It was torture. I honestly didn't expect to feel so much pressure. I can't tell you the last time I had butterflies about anything; let's be honest, my life lacks excitement, but I couldn't tell if I was going to throw up or laugh. I checked my email repeatedly. I talked with reckless adandon. I was out of control. Then, fate arrived in the form of an ADOBE document.

I can't believe it. My life has a set course; my future has a definite direction. I, Cami Peterson, am going to be a Nurse. When I read those words: conditionally accepted, I felt like my brain would implode. I came down with a severe case of the giggles. People started to stare. When I came home my mom asked me how I felt and I told her I was on Cloud 59. Please bless that kissing will bring me as much joy. Just kidding, but really... I have never felt so exuberant in my life. You know, sometimes the stars do align.

Monday, June 6, 2011


I think I am furious.
Mostly my heart is broken.
Basically my life is over.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Capital H i m

Do you ever wonder how you got this way? As I watch as a flood of newly graduated seniors find themselves in pursuit of a bright future I can't help but reflect on where my life has taken me in just a short year. People that meant the world to me in high school have been replaced by people I can't imagine living my life without. I've changed my mind a million times. I've fiddled with the idea of boys; I decided not to play with the idea. I have been lost and then found and then lost again. There is one thing that I have come to count on though, and that is that no matter where I am in my life, no matter how seemingly perfect or undeniably awful things appear to be going, regardless of where I am and who I am with, life gets hard.

I had been told all my life that college would be the best years of my life, but the one year I have spent away from home has been a period of self discovery that I thought I went through as an insecure sophomore. My soul has been harrowed up. There were times when I felt alone and confused. I experienced discomfort and found myself in unpleasant situations. I was forced to deal with things I never dreamed would happen to me and I asked God why. I didn't understand. I thought that I could handle things on my own and all I needed to do was pray for a little extra help. In my blurred vision I saw myself in a way that ended up tearing me down. I tried to do what I had been taught since I was a child, but nothing seemed to be working. I believed I must be doing something wrong. I had already dealt with an excrutiating trial when I was twelve; certainly I didn't deserve this. No matter how hard I searched, I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to be learning or how I was supposed to be growing. Then everything fell apart. I fell apart. I realized that the specific experiences that we have in our lives that seem too much to bear aren't always for us. Sometimes we face trials so that we can "comfort those that stand in need in comfort and mourn with those that mourn." Sometimes we must experience exactly what they are experiencing in order to help them. Sometimes we must do exactly what the Savior did for us so that we can become like Him. After all, isn't that the reason we are on this earth? I realized that perhaps the reason I was experiencing such heartache and misery was so that I could become like the Savior. All of the tears and anxiety and utter sorrow was so I would learn to love Christ and make myself more like Him.
Whether you are pursuing a dead end job simply in an effort to pay the rent you never thought you would have to pay, or if you have found yourself crying yourself to sleep over that one person again, or maybe along the journey to find yourself you forget who you are, there is always hope. Life gets hard; we all know that. The important thing to remember is that life doesn't have to harden us. We can take each bad hair day and flat tire and turn them into experiences that bring us one step closer to who we are supposed to be. He knows exactly what we are dealing with and He knows exactly how to help. He loves us no matter how angry we get or how many tantrums we through. We just have to love Him back.

working the camera

we must be related.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Final Countdown

One day. One day until I find out if I got into the Nursing Program.
I feel like this.