I know I'm a bit old to be writing you a Christmas List, but you know how I feel about the hooplaw surrounding this commercialized holiday. This year I want it to be different. Could you please send me a little more Christmas Spirit and not the kind that is focused on presents and lights. I want to drink hot cocoa in a mug while wearing a long, tacky sweater and leg warmers. White Christmas must be watched religiously at least once a week; you know what Bing does to me. A snowman twice my size with all the effects is requisite this year. Could you pull a few strings and get someone to take me snow shoeing or cross country skiing? If you're feeling especially generous I might even be happy with a date that includes ice skating and I wouldn't even complain if the man tried to hold my hand. Wait, scratch that, I wouldn't complain if it were with a few certain gents. I really would love to get all As this semester, but you know what they say, "Laziness never was happiness." A big dose of motivation is number one on my list this year, obviously. I fear the adverse effects of college are upon me and if you could help me keep off the notorious Freshman Fifteen it would be muchly appreciated. Well, Santa, I think that will do for right now. Keep me in mind, you jolly old soul you!
With greatest anticipation,