Chapter 43- Lightning

A friend once told me:

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart because the truth is there is no sense living your life without it. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love- well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. Stay open, who knows? Lightning could strike."

Chapter 42- Weddins and outs

Do you ever get on Facebook... or Pinterest... or maybe you actually have friends and go to receptions... anyway, do you ever see a wedding and you can't help but thank the heavens that it isn't yours?

You think, "Oh dear, another wedding with yellow and grey as the colors?"or "Isn't her dress just.... straight out of a horror movie!" Okay okay, I exaggerate.

But haven't you seen that bride that chooses colors that only are found on the Disney Princess color wheel at Home Depot?
Or the one that makes her bridesmaids wear awful, unflattering dresses?

Don't get me started on the cakes. I'm sorry, but a Groom's cake with a tool box on it made out of fondant isn't classy and it's not cute.

All of the cookie cutter dresses with the sash and the ruching (is that even how you spell it?) are so ordinary. They are lovely, but where's the individuality these days? Sigh... Karma is going to get me back big time for this!

Chapter 41- CHRISTmas

I BELIEVE

Chapter 40- You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce

I

miss

all the

Christmas

spirit from

my childhood;

that comforting

feeling of magic in

the air. You felt it in

your bones. There was

the giddy excitement from

not knowing what you might

get. Everyone glowed, because

back then everyone remembered

the real reason behind the holidays.

Now, I don't understand Christmas. It

isn't the same Christmas as when I was

little and there was something truly sacred

about this season. Now, frustration fills the air

as people bustle about looking for the perfect gift

that they know they don't have the money for, and

then they settle for something that's not needed. Now

Christmas morning comes, the presents are opened and

then what? There are no surprises.. You plaster on a smile

so your family will think you really do "love it!" but then the

rest of the day is spent making piles of what needs to be taken

back and then finding the correct receipts. Now, Christmas lasts

an hour, maybe two, and then the rest of the day is just ordinary.

Christmas shouldn't be ordinary. Christmas should be extraordinary.

Christmas shouldn't be about generic electronics and another ill fitting

sweater. Christmas should be about playing another round of Phase Ten

and passing around the half-eaten box of chocolates. Christmas should be

white. Christmas is supposed be enchanted. It should be special, but it isn't.

Now, Christmas is a disappointment. My heart breaks because something has

changed. I suppose I might be the one who's changed. Perhaps I expect too much.

Perhaps, I have gotten lost along the way to adulthood. I just know that Christmas

isn't about presents. It isn't about how much money is spent or remembering to pick

up the honey baked ham. Christmas is about spending time as a family. After all, they

are the whole reason we're here. Families are why He was born; the reason he lived and

died. Without Him we are fallen, and without families we are lost. So, maybe my soul is an

appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish

imaginable,

mangled up

in tangled up

knots, but...

Chapter 39- Today

Today I made an idiot out of myself.

I know it's hard to imagine little old me could muster such a thing, but lo and behold, no one is immune.

Here's the story:

Today I came out of class to see a blanket of snow covering the sidewalk. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. Sometimes a girl's gotta sing It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas at the top of her lungs while pretending to ice skate. That's normal right? Oh wait, it's not, and to top it off I heard someone say in awe, "Cami, what are you doing?" It was not a good friend, but he was good looking. Fantastic. What could I do, I was taken so off guard? So, I said, "Well, right now I'm ice skating." Cue cheesy smile. He laughed. I turned as red as my homemade Christmas sweater. What a great way to start the day.

Chapter 38- Peace, Love, and Trees

Outside; that’s where I want to be. I just want to go camping and hiking and biking and horseback riding. I want to wear ugly old boots and a sweat stained baseball cap with a pair of khaki shorts and an ill-fitting T shirt. I want to be a part of nature. I don’t want to have to shower or wear makeup, but instead I want to sleep under the stars and wander in the wild, using a waterfall to wash my hair and wildflowers to make a crown. My blanket will be the stars and my bed a field of bluebells. I want to really feel the sun and taste the breeze. In the morning, I want the sound of the birds to awaken me and at night I want to be serenaded by an orchestra of crickets and coyotes. I dream of living off of granola bars, dried apples and jerky as I traipse through valleys and rediscover forgotten mountain trails. I just want to experience the beauty that surrounds me. Each day would be an adventure waiting to happen. There would be no rules; no boundaries, just open air and freedom. I would witness life. The simple things in life would become the important things, just like it they are supposed to be. I want to smell like a campfire and pine needles.

I want to be an outsider.

Chapter 37- You will laugh

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/S3QUR6L0e2rMFc9MDaCc

Chapter 36- EXPOSED

I have a threehead.

What's this you ask?

Well, most people have foreheads- four fingers from hairline to eyebrows. I can only fit three. Today I took a leap of faith and pulled back the ole' bangs. It's a big day in a girl's life when she can go onto campus with her bangs pulled back.

I don't think my forehead has seen this much action since I was born!

Chapter 35- That awkward moment when..

I have a new blog kids.

Check it.

You will laugh.

Maybe.

camariah.blogspot.com

Chapter 34- One More

Only one more follower until I reach fifty!

Who ever the lucky person is will receive a special package of 7 high fives and 2 happy dances specially made by yours truly!

Chapter 33- Sometimes we get bored in class...

No, I do not really pick my nose and it's not a hickey, it's a birthmark!

Chapter 32- Details

This is for you Jo!

Sorry, I'm so vague. I get afraid of putting the whole story out for people to know. I just get nervous that someone will know who I'm talking about and tell the person, or maybe the person will get some kind of creeper disease that makes them want to read girl's blogs all day and he will find out that I'm writing about him. Either way, it makes me a panic case.

Here's the story in all it's glory (that rhymed):

Once upon a time I went out with my roommate and her boy, let's call them.... Meg and Ryan for the sake of the story, to see one of my other roommates in a dance concert. After it was over Meg was going to head back to Ryan's to play Uno with his roommate.... let's say his name is.... John, and John's date. I was not feeling it. Being a third wheel is one thing, but throw another couple in the mix and you end up just looking desperate for friends. I opted out, but John insisted I come. I'm a sucker for a good argument so I caved. When we got into the car his date suddenly came down with a case of the I-Hate-Everyone disease and needed to be taken home ASAP. That left the four of us.

Long story short, John played with my hair and we had a group spooning session. That's right, I spooned. First time ever. With a boy I hardly knew. I'm a skank. Okay, you have to understand the context, it wasn't at all in a lustful or sexy way, it was more as a joke. I mean it was basically a community cuddling party. Maybe I'm the worst, but you have to live a little!

The next day he got my number from Meg and we proceeded to text each other the entire Thanksgiving break. He is hilarious. His hair is FLAWLESS and we share similar obsessions with rubbing other people's ears and playing with hair. We're freaks basically. I was totally loving the attention, though, I must admit. I'm a girl and I love when a cute guy is into me but I had been warned that they don't more fickle than him. I was cautious and I wasn't going to fall for his charm. Let's be real; he's a player. Okay, maybe "player" isn't the right term, but he does know what he's looking for and if a girl doesn't fit the mold he drops her. Just like that. That is a lot of pressure.

This weekend he took me out to the Christmas Concert. The entire time I was beside myself wondering if he was going to put the moves on me. Even now, as a mostly grown woman, I don't know how to act around guys. I am a baby when it comes to affection with members of the male species. Well, the show was nearly over and HE PUT HIS HAND ON MY KNEE! I just about died. I might have wet my pants a little. I wish you could have been in my brain for this:

What am I supposed to do? Was he expecting me to grab his hand? Holy smokes was I supposed to hold his hand? Did he just put the ball in my court? Are you kidding me, I'm twelve years old; I don't even know how to go on dates anymore. I should have watched HITCH before I went out. My life is over. I am killing this date. I don't have any friends and no one likes me. I am never going to get asked out again. I'm the worst.

Sometimes I overreact.

Well, to get on with the story, I didn't hold his hand and after the song was over and we clapped he didn't put his hand back on my leg. Super.

The next day I invited him over for Christmas festivities and he said he would stop by later. Much to my surprise another friend of mine came instead and he told me that John had held hands with another girl at that party. Interesting. This guy is a quick one, jumping onto the next girl so soon. Isn't life funny? I can't get over how hilarious it is. I think I should be mad or feel bitter, but I don't. I just want to laugh. I'm impressed I must say that he could find someone so quickly. Bravo, Johnny boy, Bravo, this must be some kind of new record. Oh, life is funny.

Chapter 31- Gamer

I've gone over it again and again in my mind; what I would say if he brought it up, if by some minute chance he called to apologize. Would he even call or would would he show up to explain himself to me face to face? I don't know what would be worse. I keep rewording things, trying to find the right words. I want to be sassy. I want him to regret what he did so that maybe he'll change, maybe he'll stop playing games. I want to call him out for being a player and make him see his folly, but I won't. I'm going to smile. I'm going to brush him off telling him it's no big deal. I'll say I know what I was getting myself into when I went into it. Doesn't he know I was warned about him? Doesn't he know what people say about him when he's not around? So, it's fine. It was fun. That why I went for it wasn't it? It was all in my mind, after all, because there's no way I was going to give him more than that. I wasn't going to let him win.

I'd love to give him a piece of my mind now. I want to tell him not to worry about leading me on because I wasn't really into it anyway. I want to tell him that I understand he's looking for something specific and if a girl doesn't fit that mold he'll just drop them. I want to make it sting. I want to leave him stunned. I want to hurt him, but I won't. The truth is he doesn't deserve that, at least not from me. He didn't hurt me. He didn't get under my skin, because I didn't let him. He never earned my trust even if he gained my admiration. It's hard to be played if you never enter the game. So, I'm going to smile and I'm going to walk away.

Checkmate.

Chapter 30- Go Go Power Rangers

Do you know what's empowering?

Being able to get over it and move on.

Being able to say to yourself, "Self, in the end this doesn't really matter."

It doesn't matter what it is.

Maybe that guy isn't giving you the attention you deserve.

Maybe he doesn't stay interested.

Maybe he breaks your heart.

Maybe it's having a bad hair day and you don't want to leave the house.

Maybe it's getting a bad grade on a test you needed to do well on.

In the end this doesn't really matter.

In the end, you can be the bigger man.

You can walk away.

You can make the choice to be happy.

You can go on living.

A friend of mine once said,

"You can still get into Heaven with a B minus."

Well, you can still get into heaven with greasy hair,

that volcano on your chin,

and an outfit that makes you look forty pounds overweight.

You can still get into Heaven even if he plays you.

You have that power.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

If it's supposed to work out, it will.

Have faith.

Be strong.

Move on.

Chapter 29- Compliments

"Cami, you're like a ginger Mary Poppins."

Best day.

Ever.

Amen.

Chapter 28- Moments

Tonight as I sat in a dimly lit auditorium with people elegantly dressed and attentively listening to symphonies shortened rendition of The Nutcracker I couldn't help but feel lost in the moment. My mind was reeling. The boy to my right was humming along off key and the guy to my right was my date. There are few things in life that I enjoy less than first dates. He is really cute; so fun, so awesome and I was eager to please. At this moment in time, I considered how everything was going. I was trying to remain calm despite the excitement that bubbled inside of me at the Christmas tunes that had resonated throughout the air and the warmth of the season that radiated from every corner. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him how incredible the singers were and how beautiful the music was, but I was afraid. I was in a deep conversation with myself.

I took a step back.

I let the music guide my thoughts.

I pondered.

The beauty of life is this: Life is but a sequence of moments. Some moments are fun and good and smart. Some moments are dumb. Some moments are awkward and bad and difficult, but every moment of our lives comes together to form stepping stones of the our futures.

Every experience we have is for growth and development no matter how awful or seemingly unimportant. Every moment shapes who we are and who we are be. That's why we have moments. Moments make us us.